Mistaken Definitions of Self-Esteem

In today's simplistic and self-help psychology books, which are very popular and many of which are unfortunately considered yellow journalism, definitions of self-esteem have been presented that are unacceptable. Among them, it has been said: 1- A person must have positive emotions and attitudes toward themselves. This definition, in my view, is incorrect for two reasons: first, many times a person has positive emotions and attitudes toward themselves, but errs regarding their actual possessions and being, and in fact develops a positive emotion and attitude toward this very error. For example, they think they are the greatest mathematician in Iran and thus develop a positive emotion and attitude toward themselves, whereas if they had done the slightest research, their error would have become clear to them. A person should have positive emotions and attitudes toward themselves, but with the caveat that this emotion and attitude must be based on what they truly have and what they truly are. From another angle, sometimes a person has a correct assessment of their possessions and being, but their value judgment about them is incorrect; perhaps what a person has or is, is not actually something desirable. 2- Sometimes, too, people consider self-esteem to mean that a person should not consider themselves any less than others. In other words, they frame self-esteem in the context of comparison and competition with others, as if saying: compare yourself with others, compete with them, and do not consider yourself any less than them. But the point here is that, firstly, comparison and competition with others are incompatible with self-esteem, and secondly, if someone does engage in comparison or competition with another, why should they never consider themselves less? This, in the words of Simone Weil, is a kind of delusion. 3- A third definition given for self-esteem is that self-esteem means a person should not express inability in any social interaction, otherwise it will cause others to take advantage of them. But is it not possible for a person, whether scientifically or practically, to express inability and yet not allow anyone to take advantage of them? In my opinion, expressing inability has no contradiction whatsoever with self-esteem; otherwise, a person would have to accept every job and task offered to them, regardless of their ability and knowledge, and not express inability, lest it conflict with their self-esteem. In fact, to the extent that a person expresses inability, they come to know their own limits better, and this in no way means they are ready for their boundaries to be violated.

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Mistaken Definitions of Self-Esteem

Mostafa Malekian | Moral Psychology, Vol. 40 (Porsesh Institute)

Excerpted by the esteemed channel of Professor Mostafa Malekian

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