A Conversation with Maghsoud Farasatkhah on Excessive Attention to Children in Contemporary Iranian Society

In the relationship between fathers and mothers and their children, at least four elements interact with one another: nature, livelihood, politics, and artifice. Nature is instinct. Fathers and mothers love their children and pay attention to them, and this is a historical and biological fact for humans. This matter is defined within the apparatus and structure of the human psyche and mind. But the story is not entirely a matter of instinct; nature is not alone, and another powerful element called livelihood is added to it. In the past, when the social structure was tribal and clan-based, children held economic significance for the family. In a feudal structure, children were responsible for part of the family's life and livelihood. The third element is politics.

A Conversation with Maghsoud Farasatkhah on Excessive Attention to Children in Contemporary Iranian Society

Hosseini: It seems that among the middle class, the child neither has the functions defined for a child in the lower-income and cultural class, nor the luxurious view of childbearing seen in the affluent class. Yet, apparently, the middle class makes a significant investment in the child. From spending on education to being by the child's side in marriage, higher education, and leisure. It is as if the modern family wants everything for the child and, in a way, sacrifices itself for it. Has this approach always existed, or is there a greater tendency toward it in Iranian society today?

Farasatkhah: In the relationship between fathers and mothers and their children, at least four elements interact with one another: nature, livelihood, politics, and artifice. Nature is instinct. Fathers and mothers love their children and pay attention to them, and this is a historical and biological fact for humans. This matter is defined within the apparatus and structure of the human psyche and mind. But the story is not entirely a matter of instinct; nature is not alone, and another powerful element called livelihood is added to it. In the past, when the social structure was tribal and clan-based, children held economic significance for the family. In a feudal structure, children were responsible for part of the family's life and livelihood. The third element is politics. For example, in wartime conditions and when the dominant tribe seized the women of the defeated tribe, a desire for male children arose in families, so we see again that it is not just instinct. There is also livelihood and politics. In the modern world, the inefficiency of the state, social institutions, and governance—which is a political matter—somehow compels families to take on greater support for their children, at least within the four walls of the home, on behalf of public and political institutions. Regarding the fourth element, artifice, I must say that in the contemporary era, education emerged as an independent industry. It was from this time that the primary socialization of children left the monopoly of families and fell into the hands of institutions independent of the family. Children become members of social institutions independent of the family and move beyond family control. So, the recent attention to the child is a compensatory mechanism in parental behavior for supporting and controlling children. The issue of the internet and the virtual world, and children moving out of the direct sight and care of parents, has also created a kind of uncertainty in parents, and this uncertainty can lead to greater attention in the form of affection and love toward children and various other forms of attention. So, you see, the issue of parents with children is not merely instinctual; rather, elements of culture, livelihood, culture, social institutions, the social matter, and the political matter also somehow influence the formation of patterns of parental action with children.

Hosseini: Given the introduction you provided, how can the changes we are witnessing in the manner and type of parents' behavior with their children and their relationship with their children in contemporary Iranian society be explained?

Farasatkhah: I believe this issue can be explained from four perspectives: structural, discursive, philosophical, and generational. Allow me to begin from the structural perspective. Significant structural changes have occurred, and this is reflected in the behavior of parents toward their children.

Hosseini: What do you mean by structural changes, and how have they manifested in contemporary Iranian society?

Farasatkhah: One of the structural changes is precisely this "short-term" nature of society. Our society is a short-term society. In contemporary Iranian society, we are faced with the phenomenon of the "provisional." In a society that is short-term and lacks stability, one of the reactions of its members is a desire to endure. The compensatory mechanisms, however unconscious, of individuals in a short-term society involve wanting to continue on through their children and with their children. The desire for continuity within a temporary space, in a short-term society, and to be released and find deliverance from this situation, and to salve the pain of mortality, drives parents toward an existential tension, a desire and insistence on perpetuating themselves through their children. This creates a kind of search for stability in unstable conditions and an overcoming of the short-term situation.

The second point that needs attention regarding structural changes is the issue of the "decline of social capital" in Iran. I do not wish to exaggerate, but studies show that in Iranian society, social capital has indeed become problematic, and there are issues with generalized trust. In such a way that we do not feel connected to people unless we form an emotional bond with them; even within an apartment building, we have limited interactions with one another. Bonds and trust have become contentious; it is highly likely that parents lack trust in the world outside the family, in social institutions, and in the "generalized other," so all personal attention becomes focused inward, on the family.

The third point is the deformation of Iranian society. Iranian society has become deformed in many respects, meaning the management of affairs has become dysfunctional. With some exaggeration, I can say that we pay the costs of a centralized system yet also suffer from chaos. How can a people pay the price of centralization but still have chaos? If we look at this situation with exaggeration, it signifies the end of the social, and in reaction to it, Iranian individualism emerges. Consequently, household management asserts itself in opposition to civic politics. In ancient wisdom, they said practical philosophy consists of three things: ethics, civic politics, and household management. Where social ethics have become problematic and trust is absent, and on the other hand, civic politics has become dysfunctional, it is natural that household management becomes important, and part of the manifestation of household management reveals itself in the attention paid to children; that is, a form of self-preservation. When parents feel that institutions are ineffective and society is deformed, they begin to manage their own affairs.

The fourth point here is "atomization" in society. Iranian society has become atomized. It sometimes exhibits mass-like behaviors and sometimes particle-like ones. The vicious cycle between atomization and massification is easily visible within it. In a state of atomization, everyone retreats into their own shell and tries to look out for their own interests, and the focus on children is one of the signs of its emergence.

The fifth is the “missing responsibility” that compels parents toward excessive attention to their children. In sum, missing responsibility means you feel that no one cares about anyone else and that there is no institutionalized social responsibility. This is very important. It means society is not intelligent. The individuals in society are intelligent, but society is dull and cannot assume social control. When a system is intelligent, it pays attention to problems, exercises control, and creates immunity—meaning we have intelligent organizations, institutions, and systems. In an intelligent system, institutionalized control mechanisms exist. With this explanation, when missing social responsibility exists in society, it means society lacks sensory organs. For example, if someone is depressed, society does not know; it pays no attention, and the counseling, educational, and managerial systems do not attend to it until the very last moment. Your feeling is that if you do not exercise control and intelligence, there is no institutionalized intelligence in society by which social institutions can sense risks. In a system that is intelligent, parents entrust their children to an institutionalized intelligence and delegate some of the work to efficient support systems. But when parents feel that society is not intelligent, in such an atmosphere they instinctively understand that they must compensate for the situation of missing responsibility on their own.

The sixth is the “post-patriarchal” situation, which has led to greater attention to children. In this situation, mothers have gained importance; in the sense that they have a greater role in children’s lives, and their role is not limited to childbirth, feeding, and care. The quiet revolution of women in Iranian society has been proven; patriarchy is receding, and feminine perspectives, rights, and the importance of women are increasing day by day, and as a result, their authority and degree of freedom regarding their children also increase. Today, mothers are also influential regarding their children’s studies, leisure, and careers. Thus, the mother has also been added as a factor of attention to the child.

The seventh is “discontinuous changes,” which fuels excessive attention to children within the family. In contemporary Iranian society, a kind of discontinuous change can be seen. Continuous changes are changes that occur continuously; like the sun rising and setting every day. In the past one or two decades, changes in Iranian society have been ruptured, and technological changes have fueled this. These changes fuel uncertainty. We lived in an era where there were books in elementary school, and we dealt with books in high school and university as well. During our years of education, nothing in the classrooms underwent much discontinuous change... Our issues were corruption, the Shah, and dependency; we were not afflicted with bewilderment and did not have uncertainty. But during your years of education, there are mobile phones, networks, and a new technology emerging every day, and today’s youth are constantly exposed to discontinuous changes. One of the repercussions of uncertainty is that the instinct of attention to children manifests itself on a large scale. This trend is a macro-trend.

The eighth is “technology and work at home,” which leads to greater parental attention to children. The result of technological changes is that work and study at home, and distance learning, become available. Parents and children collaborate.

The ninth is the home's reaction to the expansion of society outside the home. Before the social division of labor, the family was all-encompassing, and everything from A to Z was done within the family. As a result, parents were involved in many tasks, but now they have more leisure time. Especially since many tasks have been badly outsourced outside the home, and the home has been rendered powerless. Particularly because, unfortunately, the development model is not community- and neighborhood-oriented. Government planners plan for society and cannot succeed. Under such conditions, parents begin to pay more attention to their children.

Hosseini: These nine items were in the section on structural changes. Now let's turn to the perspective of discursive changes. How can this excessive parental attention to children be explained discursively?

Farasatkhah: The discourse of the middle class has changed. Look, education levels have risen, and new cultural middle classes have emerged. Now, of course, the question arises as to how a class that is not middle class economically is considered a cultural middle class, which is one of the phenomena seen in Iranian society. In any case, the sensitivities and attentions of educated parents toward their children differ from those of uneducated parents. Parents who have tasted patriarchy and had the lived experience under it, rightly or wrongly, feel that the old fathers and mothers did not pay them much attention; therefore, a compensatory mechanism can be that an individual who felt a lack and lack of support during their adolescent development period now compensates for it, in a way, by attending to their child.

The second point is the discourse of human rights. Today, humans have rights. Attention to the child as a human being who has rights is a new discourse. Essentially, the child is a new concept. In the past, there was the infant, there was the minor, but not the child. The concept Piaget refers to is different from that infant who became duty-bound and mature at the age of nine. Behavior toward this child in the modern sense of the word is different. The idea that children do not speak in front of elders is a premodern discourse. In modern discourse, however, parents and children converse; consequently, authoritarian and coercive methods of upbringing have given way to interactive and persuasive methods.

The third point is long-term orientation. This means how much the people of a culture or society are willing to forgo things today for the sake of benefits they will gain in the future. This indicates how much long-term orientation exists among the people of any culture. For example, regarding education, the present value of incomes is reduced, but in the future, the income profile and social mobility and influence increase. When long-term orientation increases, the result is greater attention to children. That is, spending on children so they can study and have a better future and employment.

Hosseini: Is it possible that the lack of support for the elderly in this society might be one of the long-term orientations for investing in children for one's old age? That people have children so they can have their children's support in old age?

Farasatkhah: Possibly. I have a general view on this subject, and one could discuss it in detail. Continuing with the discursive changes, let me mention a fourth point, which is non-material needs, a factor that leads to excessive attention to children. When livelihood needs give way to lifestyle, one of its consequences is parental attention to children. The fifth discursive transformation is the politics of life. Day by day in our society, the politics of freedom is giving way to the politics of life. When lifestyle, attention to the body, and leisure time increase in society, it means that the politics of life has been adopted. It is said, let me live, and in another form, let me live with my children. This in itself entails attention to children.

The sixth point is the transformations that have occurred in religious discourse. Jurisprudential and Sharia-based discourse has given way to alternative discourses. The religious matter has become private and even personal. If previously in religious families there was a kind of control in behavior towards children (under the jurisprudential discourse of body control), today these discourses have gravitated towards civil and cultural religion, spirituality, and mysticism, and authoritarian and strict methods are not seen in that way.

Hosseini: At the beginning of the discussion, you also referred to a philosophical perspective. From a philosophical perspective, how can this excessive attention to children in the modern era be explained?

Farasatkhah: Look, the major issue here is the problem of absurdity. It is the problem of modern man's loneliness. Humans feel increasingly lonely day by day. Lonely bodies are seen in society. A kind of social coldness has emerged. Citizens are strangers to one another and pay no attention to each other. One way to overcome this absurdity is to give meaning to life. Paying attention to one's child is one of the most accessible and least costly ways of giving meaning to life amidst absurdity.

The tragic condition of humanity is another factor that has led to greater attention to children. Humans are in a dramatic situation. The tragedy of the world, plus violence, the environment, particulate matter, water scarcity, the depletion of fossil fuels, and natural disasters; all stir the compassion of parents towards the children for whose arrival in this world they bear responsibility.

Hosseini: Apparently, a similar compassion is also seen regarding animals. Isn't that so? I mean, for example, previously a cat lived in Iranian homes, but there was no respect for the animal. Today, however, animals are cared for, and less cruelty towards animals is seen.

Farasatkhah: Yes. That is correct. One of the edges of the compassion I referred to is directed towards children. Attention to animals existed before as well, but not in its current form. Previously, no one would pick up a sick cat from the alley to take it to a veterinary surgeon and clinic and then nurse it at home. This very arousal of a sense of compassion is one of the manifestations of the ethical yearnings of the modern world. I do not quite understand this claim that the world is becoming immoral and that modern man does not understand ethics. The reality is that modern man also has ethical strivings in a different way and understands virtues that did not exist in the past. As a result, today, parents are seen as more ethical and compassionate in a certain sense.

Another point in this regard is that today's parents have grasped plurality. They have understood that two children, even twins, can be entirely different. This affects the way they treat children, causing parents to shift from control to understanding and supporting their children.

Hosseini: As a final question, if we were to look at excessive attention to children from a generational perspective, what would that view be like?

Farasatkhah: In answer to this question, I must say that there are five generations in Iranian society corresponding to global generations. The five generations identified in the world are: first, the Silent Generation, who are the veterans. This generation lived during the American economic crisis. Second, the Baby Boomer generation, which procreates and lives after World War II and during a period of economic prosperity. Third, Generation X, born between 1965 and 1980 during major global transformations like the Iranian Revolution and so on. Fourth, Generation Y, born from 1980 to 2000; a generation contemporary with the emergence of personal computers and the global village. And finally, the fifth generation, "Z" or the Net Generation, who are adolescents today. Corresponding to these, I have identified five generations in Iranian society and described them in articles: first, the Constitutional Generation, born up to 1941. The second generation, born from 1941 to 1961, is the generation of Iranian nationalism. The third is the generation of the modernization period, born from 1962 to 1980. Rapid, unequal modernization occurred in this period. The fourth generation is the Islamic Revolution generation, born from 1981 to 2000. This is a generation that has experienced conflicts, power, war, a coupon-based economy, a post-coupon economy, and reforms... and is an impatient and exhausted generation. There is also a fifth, post-revolution generation, born after 2001, which is the same "Z" generation. In the Net Generation, and from a generational perspective, a kind of complex generational gap and distance has actually emerged. The active parents are from the modernization generation, and they possessed a desire for change, dynamism, ideals, utopia, and emotional intelligence... It seems one of the more contentious consequences of generational relations is that the exhausted and disillusioned generation comes and pursues its own suppressed desires in its children on a smaller scale, since it could not realize them in society on a large scale, and this is precisely what entails greater parental attention to children.

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A Conversation with Maghsoud Farasatkhah on Excessive Attention to Children in Contemporary Iranian Society

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