Susia, why were you not Susia?

At parties or when meeting with friends, we talk about various matters: the political, economic, social, and cultural conditions of the world's countries, housing prices, our favorite football team, the things we've bought, our job situations, the marriages and divorces of our relatives. On the internet, in magazines, and in books, we seek information about the lives of plants and animals, the state of galaxies, the existence of aliens, horrific incidents or strange and peculiar events, the biographies of famous people, and how to influence and impact others. Our distress is over why our hair is falling out, why so-and-so didn't greet me warmly, and a multitude of other whys. Apparently, this is the story for most of us humans: our thinking and speaking are mostly spent on topics and issues of this kind. The common feature of these thoughts and words is that they are directed toward our exterior, not our interior. In other words, if you and I have an interior and an exterior, and we consider our interior to be the sum of our thoughts, feelings, desires, words, and deeds, and our exterior to be matters other than these, such as those mentioned above, then most of our time and energy in thinking and speaking is consumed by the exterior. In a sense, most of us are "outward-looking" rather than "inward-looking," as if the eye of our mind and consciousness is fixed on the enchanting views of the neighbor's yard! 1

When our gaze is mostly directed outside ourselves, turning inward and observing our inner dimensions and realms requires pointing out, reminding, and recollection, and "self-knowledge" gains a high status and dignity. Just as for Socrates, one of humanity's greatest teachers, "Know thyself" is the principle and foundation of a humane and measured life, and the research of psychologists and the efforts of psychotherapists also approach this.

To convey the state of us ordinary humans, who are unaware of the abode of our own inner selves, Saadi says:

An astrologer came home and saw a strange man sitting together with his wife. He hurled insults and obscenities, and strife and turmoil arose. A wise man who was aware of this said:

What do you know of what's atop the celestial sphere / When you know not who is within your house here[1]

Rumi also, in describing people who are unaware of their own inner state but knowledgeable about the conditions of the times and all kinds of external knowledge, says:

He knows a hundred thousand branches of the sciences / Yet knows not his own soul, that wrongdoer

He knows the property of every substance / Yet in expressing his own essence, he is like an ass

Saying, "I know what is permissible and what is not" / Yet you yourself know not whether you are permissible or an old hag

You know the price of every commodity, what it is / Not knowing your own worth is foolishness

You have come to know fortunate and inauspicious times / Yet you know not whether you are fortunate or unwashed [2]

So, the discussion is about someone whose knowledge of their exterior comes at the cost of ignorance of their interior, and who has not been able (or has not wanted!) to at least occasionally inquire into their own inner self.

By peering into ourselves and referring to our own selves, we find that the life history of each of us differs from another's; that is, the corridors we have passed through have been specific and unique. By examining the sources and origins that have shaped my being me and your being you, three can be distinguished: genetics, upbringing, and experiences. In other words, the genetic program we inherited from our parents and ancestors, the manner of upbringing we received in childhood, and the good and bad, small and large experiences and events we have undergone, mainly after childhood, have shaped the nature and personality of each of us. It is clear that our backgrounds and life histories differ from one another in these three respects; no two individuals have the same genetic program, upbringing, and experiences, and for this reason, no two individuals have a similar nature and personality. So, you and I are each a world unto ourselves; my world, your world. And this means the uniqueness of each of us. I have a unique existence in the totality of being, just as you do.

We usually see each other's individual differences at the level of our habits, tastes, and behaviors. For example, one person prefers attending friendly gatherings, participating in challenging decisions, conversing with others, and going on outings, while another, in contrast, prefers a calmer flow of life. Or some prefer to face life's incidents and events with logical analysis and rational confrontation, with the least amount of emotional involvement, while others cannot see themselves setting aside their feelings and emotions when encountering events.

But through self-examination and delving deeper into our inner layers, we see that these are the surface layer and manifestations of the unique nature and character of each of us. To discover and identify our unique aspect, we must become divers of our inner selves and journey into the depths of our being! It is this inner journey that takes us to meet ourselves and transforms our conception of our goals, our way of living, our limitations, our capabilities, the way of living that suits us, and the lifestyle that is alien to us.[3]

If we are indifferent to our inner world and the territory of our unique existence remains unexplored, it is as if, for a lifetime, unaware of everything, we are building a house that does not belong to us, and when we want to dwell in it, we see that we are not its owner. Rumi compassionately tells us:

In the land of others, build no house / Do your own work, do not the work of a stranger[4]

So it is fitting to ask ourselves:

"Have you grasped life to the fullest?... Have you lived your own life? Or have you merely been alive with it? Have you chosen it? Or has your life chosen you? Do you love it? Or do you regret it? This is the meaning of grasping life to the fullest. ... Have you ... not sat in despair, mourning a life you never lived?"[5]

It is our uniqueness that makes our mode of being and the shape of our life specific to us, and this means I cannot—it is not within my power—to become entirely like you, and the same goes for you. We find the prescription for our happiness, prosperity, perfection, and inner satisfaction nowhere in the world; such a thing exists with no individual and in no book or lecture. These are all like signs pointing to the destination (and their importance is undeniable), not the destination itself. Let us remember that each and every one of us is singular and unique.

Let us hear from Susia, the Jewish rabbi:

"When I reach heaven, they will not ask me, 'Why were you not Moses?' Rather, they will ask, 'Why were you not Susia? Why did you not become that which only you could become?'" [6]

[1] Saadi's Golestan, Chapter Four, On the Benefits of Silence, Anecdote 11

[2] Masnavi-ye Ma'navi, Book Three; 2653-2652-2650-2649-2648

[3] It is from this point that we enter the fundamental and interesting topic of "personality typology," which seems to be the most essential step in self-knowledge and well-being. I hope to soon publish a piece on this in the same style and manner.

[4] Masnavi-ye Ma'navi, Book Two; 263

[5] Yalom, Irvin, When Nietzsche Wept, translated by Sepideh Habib, thirteenth edition, Qatreh Publishing, p. 365

[6] As quoted in Yalom, Irvin, Existential Psychotherapy, translated by Dr. Sepideh Habib, second edition, Ney Publishing, p. 393

Susia, Why Were You Not Susia?!

Author: Mehdi Ghafourian (PhD Graduate in Philosophy)