The Sweet Duality of Love

True love is a mutual, two-way relationship. In a romantic relationship, one is at times the lover and at times the beloved. They never occupy a static, unchanging position and are never under the domination of anything. In such a relationship, the individual sees their position as dual and accepts dual roles. Through one relationship, they attain two emotional experiences and strive in both directions. This is how romantic relationships disrupt logical calculations and make everything possible.

As Rumi says:

The heartless ones, the heart-ravishing ones seek with their souls

All beloveds are the prey of lovers

Whomever you see as a lover, know them also as beloved

For relatively, they are both this and that

If the thirsty seek water from the world

Water, too, seeks the thirsty in the world

Therefore, every romantic relationship conceals within itself two states of loving:

• I am the lover - You are the beloved
• I am the beloved - You are the lover

A romantic relationship is never like mechanical, role-playing relationships, and in this relationship, a shift in position is possible. I can be both the lover of another and their beloved. Interestingly, each person in this relationship can simultaneously assume both the roles of lover and beloved and emerge successful from both. In a romantic relationship, the mixing of roles is not only not harmful, but it is flourishing and beneficial. Unless this simultaneity and mixing of roles exists, loving will not come into being. Indeed, the artists of the realm of love are completely accustomed to this state and seem more at ease this way.

In other words, the secret to the consolidation of a romantic relationship lies in seeing such relationships as two-way and mutual. We must not believe in fixed and static positions, nor equate lovers with actors. Majnun was both the lover of Layla and her beloved. A "Majnun who is always the lover" was never born. A "Layla who is always the beloved" likewise. Love gives birth to the dual experiences of loving and being loved, and the simultaneous performance of these captivating roles. Love, as Rumi says, is utterly without head or feet, for the headless and footless:

Such a headless and footless love is this, for I am both lover and beloved

I am both wretched and ill, and the health of my illness (Divan-e Shams/Ghazal 1456)

Therefore, the guarantee of the stability and endurance of a romantic relationship is the understanding of this precious matter. Love wants me as both lover and beloved; and you likewise. It is by accepting this crucial point that a romantic relationship becomes lasting and eternal, and its richness and beauty expand. Understanding this crucial point also protects the romantic relationship from the tragedy of being forgotten and engraves it in the minds of the general populace. Only in this way can loving overcome the Alzheimer's disease of history and celebrate its victory.

Consequently, in a romantic relationship, I am neither a scarecrow in a puppet show, nor a unique and unrivaled king. I have a flexible position in this relationship and can, just as I am a lover, also be a beloved. Loving is the art of being simultaneously lover and beloved, and this unique privilege of love is a divine gift.

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The Sweet Duality of Love

By Hossein Pourfaraj

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