Overcoming Anxiety

A. Us and Our Anxieties

Perhaps you, too, are an advocate of the view that anxiety and worry are not such bad things after all, but on the contrary, a little worry can create more motivation and energy in us to carry out our tasks and duties. But the reality is that if we entrust our minds too much to "what will happen"s and "what if"s, anxiety and worry can turn into a predicament for us. If we abandon ourselves to the lap of worrying thoughts, relentless fears and doubts may well paralyze our mind and thought and squander our energy. But the good news is that worry is a phenomenon that is largely rooted in our own attitudes and habits, and by changing these two, it can be overcome. In other words, we can train our minds to maintain calm during hardship and crisis and not fall into the trap of agonizing thoughts. And this requires a change of perspective and sufficient practice.

B. Why Is Stopping Worry So Hard?

As we know, worry can go beyond a temporary feeling or a subject-specific matter and, in some of us, become a recurring habit or a protracted and constant feeling, to the extent that it keeps us awake at night and makes us irritable and touchy during the day. But why can't we get rid of it? The interesting point is that in most cases, the reason for the persistence of the state of worry and anxiety is the mindset or belief that we ourselves hold about it, and this is something whose full understanding is very important for overcoming anxiety.

Generally speaking, we have two types of attitudes or beliefs about worry: positive beliefs and negative beliefs. The negative belief is that we believe worry (at least its excessive or constant type) is a harmful thing. We imagine to ourselves that excessive anxiety will eventually drive us crazy or land us in the hospital, or we think that in the end, worry will dominate us to such an extent that we will no longer be able to control it. This state can be called "worry about worry." "Worry about worry" causes the main problem to persist and thus traps us in a vicious cycle.

The second type of our conceptions is positive beliefs, like what we mentioned at the beginning of the discussion: the idea that anxiety is a necessary thing and without it, we will not have enough motivation to perform tasks or take care of ourselves. Regarding worry, unfortunately, positive beliefs are no less harmful than negative beliefs and are just as damaging. In general, if your conception is that worry benefits you or helps you in some way, breaking the cycle of anxiety and negative thoughts will be difficult. So, to rid ourselves of the habit of worry and anxiety for good, the first step is to discard this belief that worrying is a useful or necessary thing. As soon as we understand that anxiety and worry are not a solution but a problem, the process of mastering the anxious mind will begin.

The summary of what we have said so far is that the reason for the stubbornness of worry is a combination of positive and negative beliefs. On one hand, worry torments us (we cannot sleep at night, we are nervous and unable to push negative thoughts out of our mind...) and we want to free ourselves from its baleful clutches, and on the other hand, this same worry has a function in our view, such as when we think to ourselves: I should not be indifferent, if I think more perhaps I can solve the problem, I must have a sense of responsibility, I must not lose the necessary readiness, I must not be cold-blooded and carefree, and so on... So, liberation from anxiety is difficult because, firstly, in your own view, worry is a hornless and tailless giant that is impossible to overcome, and secondly, again in your own opinion, worry has functions and advantages for you, such that without it you would not have the necessary energy or sufficient sense of responsibility towards problems.

But in the following, we suggest several important strategies for overcoming worry.

C. Where Does Our Problem Lie?

اول ببینیم که ما معمولا در برخورد با دشمنی به اسم نگرانی چه شیوه‌هایی را به کار می‌بندیم و بعد ببینم که اشکال کار ما کجاست و چرا روش ما جواب نمی‌دهد. خوب، می دانیم که نگرانی، نتیجه‌ی بُروز افکار منفی است، افکاری که دائما چیز اضطراب‌آوری را به ما گوشزد می‌کنند. به همین جهت است که ما هم برای مهار نگرانی، تلاش می کنیم تا افکار نامطلوب را کنترل کنیم. تا این‌جای کار، درست است، اما شیوه‌ی ما برای کنترل افکار منفی چیست؟ وقتی که اضطراب به ما مستولی می‌شود، اغلب، راه‌های مختلفی را امتحان می‌کنیم: گذشته از مصرف قرص یا دارو، گاهی سعی می‌کنیم حواس خود را از افکار اضطراب آور منحرف کنیم. بعضی از ما با نگرانی‌های خود حرف می‌زنیم و تلاش می‌کنیم خودمان را قانع کنیم که همه چیز خوب است و جای نگرانی نیست، بعضی دیگر هم به یک کار یا سرگرمی پناه می‌بریم تا با مشغولیت، اهمیت موضوع نگران کننده را از ذهن‌مان پنهان کنیم... اما گویی هیچ روشی جواب نمی‌دهد. حتی این تلاش ها باعث می‌شود نگرانی های ما قوی‌تر شوند و اضطراب‌مان بیش‌تر تداوم پیدا کند. اما چرا؟

بیایید اول روش خودمان را «زیر میکروسکوپ» بگذاریم و آزمایش کنیم: چشم‌های‌تان را ببندید و یک تخم درشت شتر‌مرغ را در ذهن مجسم کنید. به اندازه‌ و رنگ و شکل‌ تخم شتر‌مرغ خوب توجه کنید... بسیار خوب، حالا برای سه دقیقه هر کاری که خواستید بکنید ولی سعی کنید به تخم درشت شترمرغ فکر نکنید. مدتی تلاش کنید... خوب، چه شد؟ موفق شدید؟ آیا تصویر تخم شتر‌مرغ از ذهن‌تان رفت؟ بعید است؛ احتمالا نتیجه کاملا بر عکس بوده است! دیدید که هر قدر بیشتر تلاش می‌کنید، تخم شترمرغ بیشتر به ذهن شما می‌آید، این‌طور نیست؟ اما چرا؟ بهتر است بدانیم که تلاش برای توقف یک فکر، همیشه نتیجه معکوس می‌دهد چرا که برای توقف هر فکری، لازم است انسان ابتدا به خودش بگوید: "این یک چیز مهم است و باید مراقب آن بود!" و همین تأکید و مراقبت، باعث می‌شود به همان فکری که سعی داریم متوقفش کنیم انرژی بیشتری بدهیم و ناخواسته، آتش آن را شعله ور نگاه داریم.

اما جای نگرانی نیست! برای غلبه بر اضطراب ، استراتژی‌های موثری وجود دارد. کافی است که اراده کنید و آن‌ها را بکار ببندید. این‌جاست که اولین شیوه به‌ اسم "تعویق نگرانی" به میان می‌آید. معنی تعویق یا عقب انداختن نگرانی این است که به‌جای این‌که تلاش کنید افکار مزاحم را متوقف کنید یا آن‌ها را نابود سازید، اجازه بدهید این افکار، باشند و فقط رسیدگی به آنها را به بعدا موکول کنید. همین روش ساده می‌تواند کمک مؤثری به محو شدن نگرانی های تان بکند.

راهکار اول: تعویق نگرانی

۱. برای نگران شدن برنامه ریزی کنید!

بله، تعجب نکنید. یکی از راهکارهای غلبه بر افکار مضطرب کننده این است که به‌جای آن که منفعلانه خود را در زیر هجوم لجام گسیخته‌ی آن‌ها رها کنیم، به صورت فعال، این افکار را در یک کانال به‌خصوص هدایت کنیم.

اول، زمان و مکان مشخصی را برای نگران شدن تعیین کنید. به این ترتیب که باید طبق برنامه، هر روز در زمان و مکان مشخصی، مدتی نگران شوید (مثلا هر روز ۴ تا ۴.۳۰ عصر در اتاق کارتان). این زمان باید ثابت باشد ولی در عین حال، به قدر کافی از وقت خواب شما فاصله داشته باشد تا موقع شب مزاحم خوابیدن‌تان نشود، مثلا حدود عصر هر روز، زمان مناسبی است اما ساعت ۸ یا ۹ شب به بعد، قدری برای این کار دیر است. در ساعت مخصوص نگرانی، به خودتان بگویید: من اجازه دارم در این مدت هر‌ قدر دلم می‌خواهد نگران بشوم! بعد، به هر موضوع نگران کننده‌ای که به ذهن‌تان می‌آید فکر کنید و هر قدر خواستید نگران بشوید! در این مدت ابدا با فکرهای مزاحم نجنگید، بلکه اجازه بدهید جولان بدهند و ابراز وجود کنند، اما فقط در همین مدت! یادتان باشد که بقیه روزِ شما، "منطقه خالی از نگرانی" است.

در طول روز هر وقت فکر نگران کننده یا مزاحمی ‌به ذهن‌تان آمد، آن را یادداشت کنید و برای "ساعت نگرانی" خود کنار بگذارید. اگر آن فکر باز هم به سراغ‌تان آمد، به او یادآوری کنید که برای رسیدگی به او، وقت خاصی در نظر گرفته شده، پس سر فرصت به او توجه خواهید کرد، آن وقت آن فکر را برای بعد نگه دارید و با خیال راحت به کارهای‌تان برسید.

This method may seem childish or ridiculous, but bear in mind that this is exactly what you need to overcome anxious thoughts: seeing them as ridiculous and weak. In truth, worry is a mental game, and it is in your mind that you feel fear and passivity in the face of intrusive thoughts. Likewise, victory in this game must also be achieved in your mind and psyche. Until now, your method has been to inadvertently reinforce intrusive thoughts by taking them seriously and handing the reins of your emotions over to them, but now you are the one taking hold of their reins and experiencing a feeling of power and mastery.

2. During your "worry hour," review your "worry list."

Refer to your list and think about the worries you noted down during the day. If a thought still upsets you, allow yourself to worry about it, but only for the duration you have set aside for this task, no longer. If that thought no longer seems important, you can close the "worry hour" and spend the rest of your day in peace.

Postponing worry is an effective technique because it breaks the compulsion to engage with unwanted thoughts. All we are doing is saving the intrusive thoughts for later. You might think this method is impractical, but do not judge too quickly. With a little practice, you will find that it is entirely feasible. The more skilled we become at postponing worry, the more we realize we have greater control over our unwanted thoughts, and instead of being playthings of these thoughts, they are under our command.

Second Strategy: Ask yourself: Is the problem solvable?

1. Mental Error

At the beginning of the discussion, we said that although we all detest negative thoughts, we simultaneously feel that thinking about the subject is necessary or useful. It is good to know that this tendency also has an emotional cause. Research shows that the process of thinking about problems more or less soothes our state of anxiety. This means that when the mind is busy attending to intrusive thoughts, you subconsciously feel that you are doing something to resolve the problem, and this perception alleviates your feeling of anxiety. Of course, this is a kind of mental error, because worrying about a problem and seeking a solution for it are two completely different matters. Seeking a solution requires evaluating the situation, then defining specific steps to deal with the issue, and finally taking effective action. But becoming anxious about a problem rarely leads to its solution. The reality is that no matter how much time you spend worrying about unfortunate events, your ability to deal with that problem will not increase, if it does not decrease.

2. Distinguish between unsolvable and solvable problems.

Whenever a negative thought sparks in your mind, first ask yourself: Is the problem I am worried about something that can be solved or not? Separating real problems from imaginary issues is an important step because it brings the mind out of confusion and fluster and places the issue clearly before your eyes (I have addressed the topic of "imaginary problems" particularly in the book "From Suffering to Liberation"). It is said that a problem whose dimensions and characteristics are well clarified is up to 80% solved! The following questions can help in gaining a precise understanding of the problem:

1. Is the problem something you are currently dealing with, or is it merely an imaginary "what if"?

2. If the issue you are worried about is merely a "what if," how likely is it to occur? How realistic is your worry about that issue?

3. Is there anything you can do to deal with that problem? Is there a way you can prepare yourself to face that issue?

After examining them, you will see that, in general, your worries can be divided into two categories: real and solvable; imaginary and unsolvable. For example, worrying about unpaid bills is a real worry, meaning it concerns a reality. In such a case, you could, for instance, call the relevant company and ask if an installment payment plan is possible, or make a list of people who might be able to lend you a sum temporarily and call them one by one to secure the needed money.

But imaginary and unsolvable issues are hypothetical problems that have no external existence. Naturally, nothing can be done to solve them—because there is fundamentally no problem to be solved! Like the thought, "What will happen if I get cancer one day!" or "If my child gets into a car accident, won't I die of grief?!" Of course, prevention and taking care against dangers and illnesses is a different matter.

3. The "Brainstorming" Technique

In any case, if the problem is solvable, get to work and use the "brainstorming" technique. Brainstorming is one of the very good methods for finding ideas and solutions in any field: take a pen and paper, sit in a quiet place, and write down the things that can be done in dealing with that issue. At this stage, refrain from censoring your thoughts and let whatever comes to your mind be discharged onto the paper. Don't worry about finding an ideal solution. Try to focus on things you have the power to change, not what you are unable to change for any reason or whose occurrence is beyond your control. After you have all the options in front of you, choose the best options in order of priority. Then write a step-by-step action plan and get to work according to the plan. As soon as you have a specific plan in front of you and are ready to take the first step, you will see that your worry begins to fade.

4. The "Taking a Poll" Technique

As mentioned, the notion that worry (and even other emotions like fear and anger) might cause us to move or succeed is one of the main factors in the persistence of such reactions. Of course, merely telling oneself that such emotions are harmful or ineffective will not do much to weaken such habits. For this purpose, the mind must be convinced that the behavior it exhibits has never helped change the situation and will not do so in the future either. One way to dispel such a notion is the "taking a poll" method. Take a paper and pen, concentrate in a quiet place, and review your memories. Make a list of instances where you have worried about something. In your list, on one side, note the subject or challenge that arose, and on the other side, write the reaction that came from you, whether anxiety, fear, or getting angry. In a third column, answer with a "yes" or "no" to this question: "Did my anxiety or fluster, or my anger and losing my temper, help me in that situation?" Continue this list as much as possible. If you get tired, postpone the rest to tomorrow, but try to include all the minor and major instances you remember in the list.

The next step is taking the poll. Read and review your list of fifty, a hundred, or two hundred items from the beginning patiently... Wherever you encounter a "no" answer, ask yourself: Well, truly, if I judge neutrally and fairly, how much did my anxiety or anger help solve the problem? What would have happened if I hadn't worried? How would I have acted if I hadn't lost my temper? In which state would I have behaved more confidently and effectively? Gradually, you will realize that your worry, anger, or anxiety has almost never helped you, and you could always have acted stronger and more effectively if you were calm and cool-headed. Reviewing this list and reflecting on those memories, all of which are real and fairly judged, will cause your mind to confront the actual outcome of its performance, and this will subconsciously replace the inclination toward worry and anxiety with a tendency toward calmness and cool-headedness, and will cause your mind to settle down.

Final Word

What has been said here is only a few examples of techniques and methods for overcoming negative thoughts and the anxiety arising from them. For this purpose, there are many methods, some of which I will address on another occasion. You too can find and apply various methods by searching in useful books and sources and using credible content on the internet. Let us remember that, in general, the degree of our success in changing ourselves depends on our seriousness and will.

A final and, of course, very crucial point is that what was discussed in this discourse is not limited only to the problem of worry; rather, these matters encompass any kind of superfluous or disturbing thought that disrupts our peace and activities. In this sense, the techniques presented here can be used to control any kind of upsetting thoughts and to benefit from the result.

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Overcoming Anxiety

Author: Sasan Habibvand

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