What Do We Know of Love?

Thinking about love is one of the most difficult subjects one can contemplate. Perhaps that is why Hafez says, "O you who would learn the verse of love from the book of reason, I fear you will never truly grasp this point." Truly, one must be a philosopher of Plato's stature, or a scientist of the caliber of Freud and Lacan, or on the level of Madame Marguerite de Navarre—author of the Heptaméron—to be able to reflect seriously on this concept. The difficulty and elusiveness of this concept is such that Rumi says: Whatever I say in explanation and exposition of love / When I come to love itself, I am ashamed of it. Though commentary by the tongue makes things clear / Love without a tongue is clearer still. As the pen hastened in writing / When it came to love, the pen split upon itself. Reason in its exposition lay down in the mud like an ass / It was love that told the tale of love and loving. Apollodorus, quoting Aristodemus, says that at Agathon's banquet, Socrates stated: "I have often said that I possess no art other than love," and we must recall at that very moment that Socrates called himself philosophia, meaning a lover of wisdom. Therefore, we must have a precise definition of love, considering that he is the first martyr of philosophy and one of the greatest thinkers, to the extent that he nurtured the great Plato, and all philosophers today unanimously trace their lineage back to him. Thus, we begin our exposition by elucidating Plato's Symposium.

Phaedrus's Interpretation of Love in the Symposium

In his interpretation of love, Phaedrus enumerates points as characteristics of relationships governed by love, which can be listed as follows. Phaedrus begins his speech with a statement by Parmenides, who had said: "The world-creating goddess created Love (Eros) before the other gods." Therefore, Eros is older in power than the rest of the gods. It is necessary, at the very outset, to reflect more on this statement of Parmenides. We ask ourselves, why is love prior to every other creation? It cannot be that the great Parmenides spoke such a word without reason or cause. Upon investigation and research into this matter, we come across an authentic hadith from the Holy Prophet that beautifully answers our question! "Kuntu kanzan makhfiyyan fa-ahbabtu an u'rafa fa-khalaqtu al-khalqa li-kay u'rafa" Yes, the answer lies in this hadith, where the Truth says: I was a hidden treasure; I loved to be known, so I created creation. Essentially, not only is love the first creation, but the very purpose of the creation of the existing world is love itself, or in the Arabic term, hubb. In further explanation of this hadith, Badi' al-Zaman Forouzanfar writes in his Ahadith-e Masnavi: "David (AS) said: 'O Lord, why did You create creation?' He said: 'I was a hidden treasure, and I loved to be known, so I created creation and made Myself known to them, and through Me they know.'" Therefore, it is not unlikely that Parmenides, influenced by the prophets of the Children of Israel, spoke such a word. The second characteristic of love that Phaedrus puts forward is that the lover feels more ashamed before his beloved than before anyone else; hence, the lover strives with all his might not to commit a disgraceful act that would cause him shame before his beloved. The third characteristic of love according to Phaedrus is that love engenders courage, and he says: "No lover flees from danger before the eyes of his beloved and prefers dying a thousand times to such disgrace, nor does he leave his beloved alone in times of peril; rather, he sacrifices his life and rushes to his aid. Only lovers and beloveds, whether man or woman, are ready to lay down their lives for one another, and this virtue cannot be found in others."

Love from the Perspective of Pausanias

Pausanias, who is the second person to speak on love in the Symposium, begins his speech by distinguishing and dividing love into two distinct and opposing forms. In his view, the concept of love has two forms: earthly love and heavenly love. In his exposition on this matter, he says: "No action is, in itself, either ugly or beautiful. The ugliness or beauty of any action depends on how we perform it. If we perform an action correctly and beautifully, the action itself will be beautiful, and if not, ugly. Loving is no exception to this rule." In explaining this point, he says that the result of earthly love is fickleness and a multiplicity of beloveds, and he also says that love for a young boy is better than for a woman, because boys are naturally both wiser and stronger than women." He also believes that love for a boy stems from love for his inner self and soul, not for appearances and body, and for this reason, it is not for the satisfaction of lust, whim, and caprice. And to emphasize his point, he says that falling in love with children and very young adolescents should be considered a crime, and a punishment should be considered for the man who intended to deceive. Perhaps it can be said that we have had a similar narrative in our own literature and culture under names such as shāhed-bāzi (witness-play), pāk-bāzi (pure-play), gholām-bāregi (slave-love), amrad-bāregi (beardless-youth-love), lavāt (sodomy), jamāl-parasti (beauty-worship), and so on. As Nizami says: His heart was bound to that pure, heart-ravishing one, / That night he was content with shāhed-bāzi. Or as Sa'di says: Sa'di's name spread everywhere for shāhed-bāzi, / And this is no fault, for in our nation it is deemed admirable. Or as Hafez says: Wherever we journeyed through the stations of the Path, / Well-being was at odds with nazar-bāzi (glance-play). Hafez ⁽¹⁾

He continues his speech by discussing the conditions of loving and says that open love is better than secret love. Therefore, if we are interested in someone, we should not hide it. In fact, this statement by Pausanias contradicts Eastern culture, which believes that one should not declare one's love. As Hafez says: O you who speak of love with exposition and declaration, / We have no words with you, good and well-being.

Pausanias also says that "success in love is beautiful, and failure is ugly and shameful," and they say that a lover, to win the beloved's heart, can perform actions that, if done to obtain anything else, would be considered heinous and reprehensible, but in this pursuit, they are good and commendable. In fact, as we said earlier, he does not divide actions inherently into good and evil, right and wrong, but believes that an action can be good at one moment and place and bad at another. He gives an example: "If someone, to gain wealth or attain a government position, begs and entreats, or swears oaths, or sleeps at the threshold of someone's house, or performs a service befitting slaves, his enemies would call him a flatterer and base, and his friends would consider him a source of shame, whereas if a lover submits to such actions to win the beloved's heart, people praise him."

But another point of Pausanias's is in criticism of a lover who loves the body and appearance more than the soul and inner self, and he argues that this person has fallen in love with something that has no permanence or endurance. Rumi, in the story of the slave-girl and the young man from Balkh, expresses this point well with a single couplet: Those loves which are for the sake of a hue, / Were not love; in the end, they are a disgrace.

His next point is about coyness and supplication, and he says: "In our city, loving and surrendering to become a lover is considered ugly... therefore, to the lover it is said, 'Pursue,' and to the beloved, 'Flee.'" But what is the reason for this? The answer is that it must become clear to the beloved to what extent the lover is constant and steadfast in love. It is here that the lover must endure hardships and sufferings so that his steadfastness is proven to the beloved. "When I became a lover, I thought I had seized the pearl of my desire, / I did not know what waves of blood this sea casts forth" and it is in this same station that Hafez says: O cupbearer, come, pass the cup and offer it, / For love seemed easy at first, but then difficulties arose.

But he adds that: the beloved's surrender to the lover's request is only commendable and beautiful if two principles are observed, meaning that the lover must constantly think of increasing the beloved's knowledge, wisdom, and virtue, and spare no service in this path, and the beloved must also always resolve not to reject one who makes him better and wiser.

A third person present at this gathering is the physician Eryximachus, who brings his speech to a climax with Heraclitus, who said: "Being is alien; though it is in conflict with itself, it is in harmony with itself, like the harmony in a bow and a lyre." And in explanation he continues that high and low were at first opposed to one another, but the art of music made them friends and united them, and thus harmony arose between them. For harmony means agreement and concord, and concord is a kind of friendship and unity. Two things that are opposed to one another cannot be in concord as long as a conflict remains between them; rather, they must first become friends in some way for harmony to emerge.

What can be understood from Heraclitus's statement? This is a matter that must be investigated with the utmost care for its meaning to reveal itself to us. We understand the existing world under the title of the universe and being, which signifies all that is. This whole, which we know as the universe and which includes all possible beings, possesses within itself and with itself a unity and oneness that we can refer to as a whole. A unity which, if it were to be defined, would inevitably, because definition entails composition, be diminished from the unity that is in the essence of oneness; therefore, we cannot define unity without doing it an injustice and diminishing its oneness. This whole, which Heraclitus refers to as the one being, includes parts, just as I am, the table is, the mountain is, and in the original sense of the word, it is a (thing). It is evident that this one being possesses multiplicity within itself. Multiplicities that share a common aspect in their beingness and existence. Therefore, the concept of existence is the only single concept that is constant among the existing multiplicities. Thus Heraclitus says that existence, which is essentially one, since the concept of existence denotes all beings, possesses multiplicity, and because these multiplicities differ from one another in essence and accidents, they are therefore different and ultimately can be in conflict. In his view, the strife of opposites is not only not a blemish on the unity of the One, but is essential for the one being. In fact, the One exists in the tension of opposites, and this tension is fundamental to the unity of the One. As he himself says, "The mortal is immortal and the immortal is mortal." So it became clear that conflict and the existence of opposites in multiplicities do not contradict unity. But the aspiration is to learn an art that, amidst conflict, creates harmony and balance and brings about concord between two contraries. Aristophanes, who was a famous comic poet, is the fourth person at this gathering, who pursued the discussion of love with a mythical, imaginative, and humorous expression. He, who believed that man and woman originally had one body and were split into two separate halves by the order of Zeus, held that from the time of separation until today, each half searches for its lost half; therefore, "each of us is the lost half of another, and for this reason, everyone is always seeking their other half." Perhaps we can trace this meaning in our own literature and culture under the concept of (separation); as Attar says: In pursuit of your separation, I would be slain, since union with you is unattainable. Or Jaghatai beautifully manifests this meaning in this verse where he says: The day I was in separation from your beauty, I was weeping in union with you. Aristophanes continues: "What joins those two together cannot be bodily pleasure, and since the description of the longing that rules the soul of both cannot be put into words, they express it through hints and allusions... If we one day partake of true love, and each person attains the beloved who is their other half and belongs to them, and returns to their original nature, all human beings will be happy. But since in our present state we cannot reach that perfection, we should at least seek a beloved whose thought and soul are akin to our own thought and soul." Here Aristophanes draws attention to three points, the separation and restatement of which, and their application to our own culture and literature, is not without interest. He, like Pausanias, initially negates superficial and bodily love and bases the matter on a love and connection where the two parties are in the maximum possible similarity in terms of thought and psyche; and it is interesting that today's science of psychology and marriage and family not only confirms this issue that Plato raised in those days through the mouth of Aristophanes, but also emphasizes it. And it is indeed for such a union that Hafez says, "Hafez seeks union through the path of prayer; O Lord, grant me that which is best."

Agathon the poet is the last person to speak about love before Socrates. He tries to explain the nature of love and what kind of thing it is. He says that love itself is young and fresh, and for this reason it has nothing to do with old age and decrepitude. Perhaps the reason for this statement is that, in his view, in youth a person has fewer conservative spirits and, on the contrary, possesses a more revolutionary spirit, and acts more with emotions and passions than with prudence and patience; also, physical and sexual powers are at their peak during this time, so love is therefore more manifest in this period. For love is also swift-footed and surprising. As Khwaja Abdullah Ansari says: "The fire of love came and knocked at the door; I did not open it, and the fire struck the door." Agathon considers justice to be another characteristic of love, because "it neither defiles itself by committing injustice against gods or men, nor does it endure injustice from man or god. Force has no effect upon it, nor does it itself resort to force..." So, in other words, one can say that the lover is kind and detests injustice, and also will not relinquish his love by any force or compulsion, and is inevitably bound to remain a lover. And how beautifully Fereydoon Moshiri expresses this tale in his poem "Without You, Moonlight." Continuing his speech, he says that "Eros also partakes greatly of self-control." The lover has no beloved other than his beloved, and therefore he is safe from following caprice, lust, and such desires, and seeks only union with his beloved. And how well Rumi said that it is not the lover's custom to have two beloveds with one heart. Finally, he attributes four other characteristics to love, which we will state here succinctly. In his view, "love" makes a person a poet. And what better example of this than Shahriar, that love-stricken poet whose love for Pari pulled him away from medical school and made him one of the finest poets. Therefore, art in its general sense also arises from love, for the creative faculty does not emerge without the existence of love. Also, in his view, love is life-giving, and it seems his meaning by this is that the production of something, childbearing, and procreation must arise from and be the result of love. Yet today, in the matter of nurturing, education, and upbringing, we know well that the path of raising children in homes filled with love, affection, and kindness—not only toward the child itself but among all members—is far better than in homes where these matters are faint. And it is interesting that if a human infant in the first days of life does not receive the affection and caresses of its parents, it may die for this simple reason! And finally, he says that "love is the source of all good things," and truly, if love exists within a human being—whether love for fellow humans, animals, nature, and ultimately love for all the causes of the earth—we will have a world far better than what it is. But the sixth person and the last one present at that banquet was Socrates. Socrates begins his speech by saying that love is always about someone or something, and just as being a parent is impossible unless one has a child, being a lover is also impossible unless a beloved exists. And just as the seeker pursues the sought, the lover also pursues his beloved. The lover wants something he does not have, for if he had it, he would have reached his desired destination. Therefore, the lover is needy, and love is neither good nor bad, neither beautiful nor ugly, but exists in an intermediate state. Eros is the child of Penia, the goddess of need and poverty, and Poros, the god of resourcefulness; therefore, he inherits his destitution and neediness from his mother, and his resourcefulness, cunning, and hunting skills from his father. For this reason, if his arrow hits the target, he blossoms and flourishes, and if not, he withers and dies.

مفهوم عشق به نظر سقراط "هر گونه کوششی است که برای رسیدن به خوبی و نیکبختی، و این خود والاترین هدف هر آدمی است" و " آدمی نه تنها میخواهد نیک را بدست آورد بلکه میخواهد همیشه ملک آن باشد" و در تعریف عشق میگوید "عشق عبارت است از اشتیاق به دارا شدن نیکی برای همیشه" و مقصود از عشق " عبارت است از تولید در زیبا و بارور ساختن چیزی زیبا، خواه آن چیز تن باشد و خواه روح" و مراد از آن " تولید مثل و تولید در زیبایی است" چرا که " کسی که مستعد بارور ساختن است چون به زیبایی برسد سرآپا نشاط و اشتیاق میشود" پس " مقصود از آمیزش زن و مرد نیز همین است و این خود عملی است الهی، و کشش و اشتیاق به تولید و خود تولید جنبه ی خدایی و جاودانی موجودات فانی است." و این به معنای بقای در نسل است زیرا " طبیعت هر موجود فانی همواره در این تلاش است که جاویدان بماند و بدین مقصود از راه توالد و تناسل میتواند رسید بدین سان که همیشه موجودی تازه و جوان به جای موجود پیر بگذارد" بنابرانی " کسانی که تنشان استعداد تولید دارد و به زنان روی میآورند و معتقدند که نام نیک و جاویدنی و نیک بختی را از راه تولید فرزندان میتوان بدست آورد، ولی کسانی که زائیدن و آفریدن روحی را برتز از زاد و ولد جسمانی میدانند فرزندان روحی به وجود میاورند.... دانش و فضیلت انسانی که زاده ی شعرا و هنرمندان راستین است و والاترین دانش ها دانشی است که برای سامان دادن جامعه ها و خانواده ها بکار میآید و خویشتن داری و عدالت نام دارد..." پس بهترین روابط آن رابطه ای است که آدمی بر فردی عاشق شود که تن و روح او هر دو زیبا باشد و دارای قابلیت باروری و آفرینش. ام در نهایت عشق و عاشق شدن به این تمام نمیشود بلکه از نظر سقراط عشق حقیقی باید راجع به آن زیبایی فی نفسه و محض باشد که نه تنها خودش در نهایت زیبایی است بلکه هر چه زیباست، زیبایی اش را از او گرفته است و آن زیبایی محض چه میتواند باشد جزجمال حضرت دوست حق تعالی.

Considering what Plato expressed in the best words in this dialogue, it seems that all possible aspects of love were raised, and it is here that we realize Whitehead was not being merely polite when he said that the entire history of Western philosophy is a footnote to the philosophy of Plato. In the author's view, the philosophers after Plato, from Suhrawardi, Aquinas, Schopenhauer to Kierkegaard and other philosophers of the existentialist school, have only further elaborated on what is contained in this dialogue; for instance, Suhrawardi and Aquinas addressed the theological aspect of the matter, which is divine love, and a pessimistic philosopher like Schopenhauer, the author of The World as Will and Representation, by delineating three types of love (self-love, love for society, and instinctual love) did not go beyond this dialogue and merely incorporated his own perspective and viewpoint into the subject. However, in the late nineteenth century, with the emergence of psychology, particularly as introduced by Freud, other dimensions and aspects of the concept of love were also discovered, to the extent that it can be said that in today's world, the concept of love is no longer the concern of philosophers but has entered the field of psychology, and perhaps, at best, the examination of the concept of love can be entrusted to philosophical anthropology, which has a place in continental philosophy, rather than to analytic philosophers. Based on this same view, which of course does not deny the role of poetry and literature in the flourishing of this concept, just as the author himself sought help from the poems of eminent poets to further explain the matter, in what follows we will content ourselves only with the perspective and interpretation that this concept receives in contemporary psychology.

As we know, the mother's womb is a paradise in which the human embryo grows and develops; in this state, the embryo and later the fetus are one with the mother. But this process continues even after the child is born! The child makes no distinction between itself, the world, and the mother—everything and everyone is the mother to it. One could even say that when the child feeds from the mother's breast, her breast is an extension of the child's mouth, and when the child sucks its thumb, it satisfies its drive and desire through this act. Perhaps one of the reasons the child puts everything into its mouth in the early years is also a continuation of this same reaction and drive directed toward pleasure. Likewise, the reason that caressing or holding the child, the contact between the mother's body and the child's body, and hearing the mother's heartbeat soothe the child stems from the sense of unity the child has with its mother. It should be added that speaking to the child is also valuable to it for the same reason, and the child reacts to it by paying attention and looking at the lips. For the child, there is no difference between the digestive system and the vocal system, and speaking to the child is just as important as eating. Eating food, from the child's perspective, is a gift to its mother, and bringing it back up or spitting it out indicates its dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Just as smiling and paying attention indicate its regard, its inattention and crying arise from complaint and a sense of disgust. This stage, which we know as the oral stage, continues until the age of three and then becomes less pronounced, but it never ends in the sense of being destroyed. Just as in adulthood, putting objects like pens, pencils, and cigarettes into the mouth is, in a way, a sign of those early days, which continues in this form because the oral fixation stage was not properly resolved. After the oral stage, the anal stage begins. The child's feces are a gift that it gives to its mother. The child is in contact with its inner self through its feces, and because it has absolute control over its expulsion, it feels powerful, and it is for this reason that one sometimes sees the child deliberately refusing to go to the toilet even though it needs to, expressing pleasure and pride through this act. "Through the anal relation, a psychic pattern emerges in which the category of (generosity) is its central axis. Generosity is not only an anal matter but always signifies that the wish and desire for refusal lie hidden within it.... But generosity and magnanimity can also signify the sublimation of this drive and indicate a transcendence of anal factors." But the third stage is the genital stage. This stage is of great importance in our discussion. It is in this stage that the libido, which takes shape in the unconscious around the age of seven, and before that, the child becomes aware of its sexual difference—that, for instance, if it is a boy, it resembles its father, uncle, and maternal uncle, and if it is a girl, it resembles its mother, maternal aunt, and paternal aunt. This stage, which receives attention at various points of development, can be observed at eight months, three years, and seven years, and later at the stage of sexual puberty as well. It is in this stage that the child realizes it is not the object of the mother's desire and wish, but rather the object of the mother's desire is the father—and not the child. The discussion Freud raises under the title of the Oedipus complex and the desire to kill the father on the part of sons, and the relationship of love and hate that exists between them, is also contained within this discussion, which we will refrain from elaborating on. It is in this same stage that the phallus also takes shape, but the human child soon understands that it is not the object of the mother. However, the mother also understands the first rupture in this unity with the return of menstruation. This means that the mother returns to her previous position and status, namely womanhood. Therefore, the time of the appearance of menstruation depends on the mother's ability to distance herself psychologically from her child and to accept her existence again as a woman, that is, as a being who has sexual desire. Often, as long as the mother continues to breastfeed her child, she will remain in a state of amenorrhea. "Thus, the return of menstruation is a physiological matter caused by the process of the mother's distancing from the child and the reappearance of sexual desire in her."² Therefore, this desire, wish, and longing that carries the wish to become one with the other—which, of course, it is better to say carries the wish to return to its unity with the mother—is directed toward the other, and it is precisely here that, since becoming one with the other is impossible, love for the other emerges as an alternative. In Freud's view, love finds meaning only in relation to the sexual relationship. Freud repeatedly stated in his writings and lectures that he used the words love, sexuality, eroticism, and Eros as equivalents of one another.

بنابراین معنای عشق در ارتباط مستقیم با شهوات جنسی دارد و حتی عشق برادرانه یا اجتماعی نیز حاصل میل جنسی است، منتهی در آن غریزه ی جنسی به جوششی که با هدف های منع شده همراه است، تبدیل شده است. چرا که به عقیده ی او اصل دمدمی مزاجی یا دوسوگرایی - به عقیده ی وی دو نوع از غریزه بر انسان حاکم است که یکی غریزه ی زندگی و دیگری غریزه ی مرگ است - در عشق حاکم است که در آن سائق های متضاد باعث میشوند که تراوشات عاطفی تبدیل به ماشین هایی با آنتروپی تصاعدی گردند. با ارجاع به اصطلاح لیبیدو  که فروید آن را در رابطه با اِروس قرار می دهد و ساحَت رانشی آن را مشخص می کند. در این صورت عشق مقوله ای دفع شده و حاوی قدرتی ناآگاه است. با ارجاع به معنای اخص آن در روان شناسی عشق که غایت آن تعیین این امر است که چگونه فرد به «انتخاب مطلوب عشق خود» نائل می آید. یعنی چگونه تخیلات او با مطلوب عشق وی از طریق عقده ی ادیپ هماهنگی می یابند. این نوع برداشت موجب تمایز میان دو «جریان» مختلف در زندگی لیبیدویی می شود: جریان«شهوی» و جریان «مهر و محبت»؛ این دو جریان در لفظ عشق به صورت نامتمایزی وجود دارند، یعنی هم به «محرکات جنسی» اشاره دارند و هم به «محرکات دوستانه و توأم با مهر و محبت ». تفکر فروید به نحو قاطعی مفهوم عشق را تغییر داده است و ورای ایهام های معنوی اش آن را پذیرفته و محتوای ناآگاهش را به خوبی نشان داده است، محتوایی که در تقاطع میان رانش، آرزومندی و تعارضات نفسانی قرار گرفته است. هم از این رواست که عشق ادیپی با ریشه گرفتن در قانون زنا با محارم اساس عواطف آدمی را معین می سازد. به نظر فروید عشق اروتیک ریشه در رانش جنسی دارد و انرژی این رانش پایه‌ای را لیبیدو می‌نامد. جایگاه لیبیدو در نهاد (یا ضمیر ناخودآگاه، سوپر ایگو ) است که آن را در اختیار خود (خود‌آگاه‌، من) قرار می‌دهد. به نظر فروید بخش بزرگی از رفتارهای انسانی توسط نیروهایی راهبری می‌شوند که در حوزه آگاهی قرار ندارند، اما به شدت کارکرد "خود" (بخش خودآگاه دستگاه روانی انسان) را متاثر می‌کنند. بر اساس نظر فروید برابرایستای عشق در خدمت برآوردن خواسته‌ها وامیال "نهاد" (ضمیر ناخودآگاه) و به معنایی دیگر پاسخ‌گویی مطلوب به لیبیدو و کاهش سطح انرژی آن است. در عشق ما دچار دو حالت متمایز و متضاد به معنایی میشویم. از طرفی عشق ناظر به شخصی است که با ما متفاوت است. همینکه سخن از (دیگری) مطرح میشود، تفاوت نیز مطرح میشود، او کسی جز من است و من از او خواهشی دارم و او از من نیز، او از من چه خواهشی دارد؟ آیا آن چیزی را که خواهد دید میپسند و یا آنکه چیزی را میخواهد که من ندارم و به همین دلیل از من دلزده شود! ما بین نیاز و ارضای نیاز (درخواست) وجود دارد؛ و قوه ی ناطقه و کلام و زبان طریقه ی بیان  نیاز است. در واقع دستگاه کلامی توسط نیاز به حرکت در میاید. باید به دیگری گفت که به او نیاز دارد و این تقاضا را مطرح کرد. به این وجه درخواست عشق یعنی رفتن به جستجوی چیزی ورای داشتن ها، ورای دارایی نزد دیگری. این یعنی رفتن به جستجوی دیگری. اما شکل دیگر عشق که منفی است وجهی دارد که ناظر به نارسیسم است. نارسیسم یا خودشیفتگی آن حالتی است که انسانی اسیر خویشتن میشود. اسطوره ی نارسیست که در آن وی عاشق تصویر زیبای خویش در آب میشود و برای هم آغوشی با او خویش را به آن میاندازد و میمیرد نمادی است از همین شکل از عشق. به نظر فروید یکایک ما در لحظه ی عشق همیشه حالتی نارسیستی و خودشیفتگی داریم و وقتی اسیر عاشقی شدید و بدون مرز میشویم، اسیر دیگری (پارتنر،همسر) میشویم، یا میخواهیم معشوق و پارتنر را به قالبی درآوریم که خودمان میخواهیم، آنگاه ما در چنین لحظه و سناریوی نارسیستی گرفتاریم و معمولاً محکوم به پایانی مشابه چون نارسیست و لمس شکست عشقی هستیم. چون در عشق حالتی دوگانه ی این چنین وجود دارد که یکی مثبت همراه با اضطراب است و دیگری منفی است که ناشی از خودشیفتگی آدمی است، به همین جهت است که رابطه ای میتواند دوام داشته باشد که طرفین در نهایت شباهت به هم و در عین حال با درک متقابل از تفاوتهای یکدیگر باشند. باید گفت که عشق فقط یک رابطه ی اجتماعی بین دو موجود انسانی نیست، بلکه رابطه ای بین اشتیاق و ژوئی سانس (لذت شدید همراه با درد که ارضاء سمپتوم است) است و آن دو را به هم گره میزند. عشق اجازه میدهد که شخص از ژوئی سانس خود شهوانی دست بکشد و در جستجوی ابژه ای در خارج خود برآید. عشق پلی است از ژوئی سانس- سائق هر فرد به اشتیاق دیگری.

In the end, we must say that the drive is auto-erotic and contains its object within itself, and has no need for an external object. That is why any object is suitable for this purpose, and if one doesn't work, another will suffice. In simpler terms, the internal cause of an individual's motivation is their own sensuality, and essentially, the other person, whoever they may be, is not important to them. And it is for this reason that one can boldly say that sex diverts the path of love—which arises from recognizing similarities and differences and discovering the other—and merely gives the relationship a sensual aspect, which, of course, will not be lasting. According to Lacan, 'woman must become the substitute for the object so that man may love her,' and in this, love holds a special place, for woman's jouissance is based not on the drive but on love. And it is here that Ahmad Shamlou's poem perfectly conveys its meaning:

Beyond the borders of your body, I love you Give me the mirrors and the eager moths Give me light and wine The high sky and the wide arc of the bridge The birds and the rainbow And repeat the final path In the curtain you draw Beyond the borders of my body I love you In that far, distant place Where the mission of limbs comes to an end And the flame and fervor of pulses and desires Entirely Subside, And every meaning abandons the mold of the word Just as a soul Leaves the corpse at the journey's end, To abandon it to the assault of its final vultures In the beyonds of love, I love you In the beyonds of curtain and color In the beyonds of our bodies Promise me a rendezvous

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Sources:

Everything that appears in quotation is taken from Plato's Symposium, translated by the late Hassan Lotfi. 1- For further reading, one may refer to the book Pederasty in Persian Literature by Dr. Sirus Shamisa.

2- Fundamentals of Freudian-Lacanian Psychoanalysis by Keramat Molaei

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What Do We Know of Love?

Author: Iman Motlagh

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